Milk and Meat Merry Madness

Talking to a Dutch colleague of mine this week, he was getting finished helping with the CAP money decisions in The Hague and other stuff like that because he has a much more important job to do this weekend. He was off to help in his Father's butchers shop for the Christmas rush.

Working in a butchers shop in the days before Christmas is brilliant. It is second only to delivering milk on Christmas Eve. I did both for years and I loved every minute of it.

That's me on the left (from here by the way)

Delivering milk on Christmas Eve is a bit mad. You load up with a double lot of milk and a buckets of cream all noted down on order forms. I remember the land rover would move slowly, blinding every passing car because there was too much weight on the back end. It took ages, because nearly every conversation between my mate the milkman and us lads delivering milk before every customer went something like this:

"Down there, down the side of that terrace, put it under the bucket as normal. Now let's see, jesus where has that bloody form gone? She wrote it all down. It's like a bloody essay. Where's the damn form gone? IT WAS HERE A MINUTE AGO! Are you sat on it you big lump? Oh hang on, hang on, panic over, here it is. Right. Normal milk. That's 2 for today. 2 for tomorrow 'cos its a double day, that's 4. And 4 extra? 8 PINTS? There's only bloody two of 'em, and their Michael lives in Canada now with his new wife and they're off to her family this year, she told me last week. Anyway, bollocks, they're having it. I'm not taking this lot home. Milk, sorted. Sooooo, cream. 2 small doubles. Sorted. 1 big whippin' - grand, jesus we're short of them. 1 pint double. A PINT OF DOUBLE CREAM? She does this every bloody year, she'll be bollocking me next week for leaving too much."

 

And so it went on.

After delivering milk, I used to go into the local butchers then to help with the Christmas orders. People go mad at Christmas. They shop all year at a supermarket, then go all dewy-eyed at Christmas time and use the local butcher for everything. This isn't a problem of course, it is just a shame they don't do that all year round. 

My job was two fold. First, keep the queue happy. They would snake out of the door, past the garage joining the shop and sometimes be stretching round the corner to the Working Mens Club. You keep a Christmas butchers shop queue happy by bribing them with Christmas cake and mince pies. The butcher was always so cheerful and happy that people were in the shop and interested in them that he had long conversations with everyone. This didn't alter on Christmas Eve either, so it didn't matter whether people were spending 50 quid or a fiver, they all got the same attention. This meant there was a long queue, but of course, that is part of the charm.

 

Out of the door, in front of the garage, round the corner near the Working Mens Club (from here)

Second, you had to work through the logistical nightmare that was THE CHRISTMAS TURKEY ORDERS. Essentially, I realised that you never ever please everyone. There are only so many turkeys to go around, and you have to try and get it right. "Put all them big 'uns in one place. Good god, look at the size of this one, who is going to eat all that? Where's the little 'uns? Remember Barbara always wants a small one. If she moans she'll have to have a big chicken."

 

And the story that came out every year was the butcher, since retired, who had only one turkey left on Christmas Eve late on. It was completely and utterly the wrong size. The lady who came to collect it was particularly forthright, and when he went to collect it from the fridge she was horrified. "That really won't do, it really won't, you must have another one that's bigger" she said. The butcher went back to look in the empty fridge, shouted at a fictional person to 'BRING THAT BIGGER TURKEY FROM OVER THERE,' said a few words to the patron saint of happy customers and big turkeys and turned round back into the shop with exactly the same turkey he had presented before, this time with a beaming smile. 

"Lovely, that's better!" she said.  

 

And that is why delivering milk and working in a butchers at Christmas is brilliant. Even better, it hasn't changed either.

 

Review: 'Waste - Uncovering the Global Food Scandal' by Tristram Stuart

I always read the inside cover of books first before I take a read. In the cover of ‘Waste- Uncovering the Global Food Scandal’ we learn that Tristram Stuart ‘has been a freelance writer for Indian newspapers, a project manager in Kosovo and a prominent critic of the food industry. He lives in the UK and rears pigs, chickens and bees.’

It was the last bit that did me. I said a naughty word under my breath and made an assumption, like many of us do on first impressions, that Mr Stuart was probably the type of chap with floppy hair who ate organic muesli on a morning. He would probably make frankly absurd statements about the future of farming and the food industry. I was wrong.

Organic muesli aside (he probably does, I have since met him and he is a nice bloke), there is no doubt that this book is an impressive work. More PhD thesis than airport holiday read - the notes and bibliography cover well over 100 pages themselves - the author covers the globe looking at all aspects of the food chain from farmers through processors to retailers and to us, the consumers. With constructive criticism for everyone throughout, Stuart does at least provide thoughts on ways that the food waste issue can be sorted out. “Don’t bring me problems!” a food industry manager might say, “I want solutions!” In ‘Waste’ Stuart gives a everyone a fair run for their money.  

He also is a master of illustrating the problem in handy figures, often citing work done by WRAP, the Waste Resources Action Programme in the UK. According to WRAP research, in the UK we throw away 4.1m tonnes of food every year that could have been eaten. That is ‘484 million unopened pots of yoghurt, 1.6 billion untouched apples (27 apples per person) and 2.6 billion slices of bread.’ I am sure somewhere there will be an analogy putting all of this horrendous waste in the weary context of double decker buses end to end/football fields/number of times around the world/here to the moon etc but if it is in this book I have missed it. The figures themselves are stark enough to make you sit up and think.

Read about the author here 

He certainly doesn’t hold back on his views on meat and dairy production mind, which could make some farming folk wince. He notes that ‘if we ate less meat and dairy products, there would be more food to go around’ and does a global gallop through the reality of how much meat different nations eat - from the Americans at 123kg per person per year, to the UK at 83kg, the Chinese 55kg, the Ugandans 10kg and the Indians 5kg.  Apparently the combined weight of cattle on the earth now exceeds that of humans (aha, found it!) and meat production has multiplied by two and half times since 1970. 

Reflecting on my own travels in India last year, where restaurants were tentatively putting ‘non-veg‘ options on the menu; it is clear that as Stuart points out ‘when developing-world countries get richer, their populations are inexorably adopting the meatier, milkier diet of affluent countries.’ The author’s gripe here is that the consumption patterns of the West should not be a blueprint for the East. He argues that us wasteful westerners should get our own house in order. Food waste and feeding grain to livestock are on the same page for Tristram Stuart.

Of most personal interest to me and in my work in Brussels, is the focus on the part that supermarkets play in all of this. Sparse shelves are a big turn off for consumers; they think they have missed the best and as a result the systems of big retailers and food outlets intentionally over order. This means of course that there is a lot of waste. Coupled with examples of some of the well known practices of unfair trading in the food supply chain, Stuart argues that better and more honest relations between consumers, retailers and farmers would go a long way to solving the food waste headache. I don't think there is much to argue with there.   

It's unlikely I'll ever look at the food in our fridge in the same way again, and if you read this book it is likely to have a similar effect. The central premise of the book is that the perceived future for the food and farming industry - to produce more more more quick quick quick - is incorrect, and that it would be far more advantageous to get better at eating what it is we are already producing. This is a serious book on a serious subject, and most definitely worth a read. Published in 2009 (I am relatively late to the party) some would say it came out a little before its time. Looking at current discussions at European level, the plethora of reports on food waste and the rise of food banks, it seems the time for getting on top of this issue has finally arrived. 

You can follow the progress of Tristram Stuart via his campaigning website http://www.feeding5k.org